Movie Review: The Island

How fitting, then, that Michael Bay’s most artistically successful film— and remember that we’re grading on a curve here— is also his biggest bomb. The man who tortured us in his personal cinematic dungeon with such diabolical instruments as Armageddon, Bad Boys II and Pearl Harbor finally gets his comeuppance. No one could be happier than me. I’ve prayed for this moment for years, but my victory is a Pyrrhic one. I actually kind of liked this film, in the way you kind of like a really ugly dog who keeps breathing his stink-breath on you because he’s so happy to see you. I felt sorry for The Island. It’s no classic, but neither is it Pearl Harbor. At the very least, it deserves a pat on the head.

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